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Post by madhair60 on Oct 5, 2010 20:15:31 GMT
^ BANNED
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Post by Exu on Oct 10, 2010 10:31:37 GMT
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Oct 18, 2010 18:47:39 GMT
Tim has contempt for his audience? Not surprised in the slightest. *goes back to squeeing at the tortoise*
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Post by madhair60 on Mar 10, 2011 20:24:26 GMT
Season 1, Episode 11: Trilogy, Part 2
OK, so there's only two more episodes to go. I can suffer them. Besides, this one's only about 5 minutes long - that's tolerable, and I doubt it'll be "New Recruit" levels of piss-poor. Unto the breach, my friends.
Ethan's playing a coin-op in the most empty-looking arcade of all time when he spies an ice-cream van. Excitedly he rushes out. Lucas spits "Ethan, it's winter". Ice-cream still tastes good in winter, Lucas, you cynical sod.
Anyway, I know I said I wouldn't focus on the animation quality, but the scene that follows is hands-down the worst in the series. Ethan slips and falls. I can't communicate just how bad this is in words, so I've gone to the trouble of locating the episode on Youtube.
0:19
YECCCHH. SERIOUSLY, YECCCHH. Blind Ferret have done (very) good stuff since, but sweet Jesus! That is rinse! Maybe they were perfectly capable, and just hated Buckley, but needed his money. S'entirely possible. WHY DOES THIS SHOW EXIST
*Ahem* Ethan, lying on the ground shivering, asks a passing dog if he can cut it open and climb inside for warmth. LIKE THAT MOVIE, I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S CALLED. Nah, seriously, I do. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. I'm not just going to call it "Empire"; that'd imply a fondness that I simply don't have for this movie, and though a lot of Star Wars detractors will say that SWEV: TESB is the one it's "okay to like", they're wrong. It's not. It's definitely better than this series, though, but so is osteoporosis.
Ben appears as a GEIST and orders Ethan to go to the *concentrates on astonishingly garbled, low quality voice acting* "Play all night LAN centre". There he will learn from "Bobbo", the gamer master who oh god this is just going to be Boba Fett isn't it. Ethan: "But that's so far away." Bob: "Fine. [censored] you then. Jeez, I try to help..."
OK, that caught me off guard a little and I smiled, but it was mainly due to the weird delivery of Ben's line.
LIMOUSINE PULLS UP BEHIND THEM, WINDOW OPENS, OH [censored] IT'S JACK THOMPSON. Ethan runs back into the arcade and informs his friend and [censored] of the imminent danger. OK, this next bit is actually baffling so bear with me. One of Jack's flunkies enters the arcade and some random kid skates past, wrapping the cord of an Xbox controller around the man's legs. He falls. This scene is visible for just under 3 seconds. I assume it's meant to be a reference to the battle of Hoth, but it falls completely flat. JUST LIKE THE EVIL GUY AHAHAHAHAaaa.
ugh some stuff happens and the opening credits play
Ethan walks into the LAN centre and talks to the guy behind the desk. He is Bobbo and is actually a parody of Yoda. A parody in that he has the same voice and behaves exactly the same. Well, I was wrong about the Boba Fett thing. Ctrl+Alt+Del, subversive to the end. Have seventeen million points for second-guessing me.
I'm bored out of my mind so I'm just summarising the next bits. Nothing happens in the LAn store, Lucas and Lilah (sharing a car) evade Jack Thompson's limo somehow, Boba Fett appears (insult to injury, frankly). Then they're back at the house and there's a guy named Larry involved now and I have no [censored]ing idea what the [censored]'s happening and Jack Thompson's there now. Boba Fett carts off Lucas in a crate or something, Jack and Ethan have a slap fight, then Ethan gets a paper cut. The worst "I am your father" joke of all time occurs. Seriously, it's so bad I'm not even telling you it. You'll have to watch the episode.
The sods [censored] off to rescue Lucas and the credits roll in silence. Seriously, I think they just forgot to add the music.
Comedy Credit: "1 Mongoose. 2 Mongeese. Doesn't sound right, does it?"
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH
1 [censored]: Tim Buckley. 2 [censored]s: Two Tim Buckleys
Final episode next. Trilogy 3. It will not be a grand finale.
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Post by Zerolus on Mar 11, 2011 0:14:15 GMT
Anyway, I know I said I wouldn't focus on the animation quality, but the scene that follows is hands-down the worst in the series. Ethan slips and falls. I can't communicate just how bad this is in words, so I've gone to the trouble of locating the episode on Youtube. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs2d6wM34Ws0:19 YECCCHH. SERIOUSLY, YECCCHH. Blind Ferret have done (very) good stuff since, but sweet Jesus! That is rinse! I dunno, man. 4:02. If there's anything that could beat 0:19, it's that.
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Post by madhair60 on Jul 18, 2011 20:04:36 GMT
Season 1, Episode 12: Trilogy, Part 3
We see an incredibly choppy pan down to reveal the billboard from episode 1, still standing but in poor shape. BUT ETHAN KICKED IT OVER. This is how little Buckley cares. It’s become thoroughly obvious that he knows that what he’s making is pap. Yet, here it is.
Limo drives up. Jack Thompson gets out, followed by an impressively massive crowd of cut and pasted lawyers. In order to make this less obvious, some of them have been mirrored. Anyway Jack does a parody of Star Wars, with dialogue that seems to go on for about nine weeks. He mentions “the Clinton”. INSTEAD OF THE EMPEROR DO YOU SEE. I feel a wave of nausea sweep over me as I realise what will happen next.
Wait – I was wrong – the billboard is being reconstructed. So there is a reason it’s still up. But why is it in such rough shape!? Ha! I still win!
Lilah and Zeke (still in disguise) approach a building labelled the “Jack Thompson’s New Florida Law Court of Anti-Video Game Stuff”. Inside, Lucas is tied up with red tape, next to a “Joo-ree” (THEY’RE REDNECKS, DO YOU SEE). We see “Judge Bubba”, who is a parody of Jabba the Hutt off of Star Wars. And by parody I mean he is the same as Jabba the Hutt off of Star Wars. Ethan enters and tries to use the Jedi mind trick on the judge.
Ethan: Please let Lucas go. Bubba: *Indistinguishable* Ethan: Well, I tried. Sorry Lucas. Ethan gets out a Wiimote and makes the Judge bounce up and down, then uses it to fling a briefcase at Boba Fett’s head.
Ethan: Damn, I’m like, uber with this thing.
And with that cringeworthy [censored], we move on to the opening titles.
Post-titles, Jack stands up from kneeling at Hilary Clinton’s feet, and it is established that he still wants to find Ethan.
Jack: He really pisses me off.
See, that made me smile, because he really pisses me off too.
Ethan goes back to the Lan Centre and insults Bobbo, who then apes dialogue from Star Wars with certain words changed to add in video game references. Then he takes his clothes off, and Ethan leaves.
My heart’s not really in this anymore, sorry.
Next scene is Linux Guy (whose name I don’t know) standing around explaining that the new billboard’s weak spot is not so apparent. The plan is to destroy a telephone pole, making it fall directly onto the “target billboard”. Incidentally, there’s a bit of reused animation in this section, where they utilise the same scene not ten seconds apart. DID THEY THINK NOBODY WOULD NOTICE!? No, they just didn’t care.
Ethan and his [censored]ing friends go to the billboard. Jack is already there, and Ethan approaches.
Ethan: Hey, what’s up?
Lucas and Lilah argue over the fact that they don’t have any explosives. Lucas’ voice actor proves himself by far the best at what he does, delivering with gusto some terrible writing. Realising they have no tools, the pair give Zeke a devious look.
Zeke: Ah, crap.
Jack leads Ethan over to a porta-potty, which opens to reveal Hilary Clinton. I am somewhat baffled by this. She gives Ethan a Wiimote, instructing him to strike down Jack Thompson, who reacts with such a convincing sense of betrayed sadness that I find myself feeling sorry for him.
The telephone pole is knocked down by Zeke, who is being used as a battering ram. Quickly, we see Jack get up and smack Hilary in the face with his briefcase, giving a genuinely amusing delivery of the word “[censored]”. Ethan asks the fallen Jack if he’s turned to the good side of the Ownage.
Jack: Tell them… tell them I was killed… by video games.
The billboard is destroyed, and the cast face its smouldering ashes. Ethan moves to put his arm around Lucas, who responds with a threat of violence.
And so ends Ctrl+Alt+Del the Animated Series. I don’t know what this episode’s hilarious comedy credit is, because my version cuts off just as the credits start. Honestly, I doubt it would be that funny. I just don’t think there’s a precedence for it.
Conclusion
[censored] me in the arse, but this series is bad. It’s so awful that I’ve become a worse person as a result of enduring it. I fear there is no hyperbole in my feelings that my trauma exceeds - or at least equals - that of a routinely raped child. Yet, I feel a curious emptiness in being separated from my tormentor. Yes, Ctrl-Alt-Del: the Animated Series has given me Stockholm Syndrome.
Interestingly, the second series is a massive improvement – don’t get me wrong, it’s still [censored], but it’s consistent, better constructed and the animation is hugely improved. Don’t hold your breath for any sort of review, though. I’m done with this franchise. I wish it wasn’t popular.
I feel this whole exercise was a massively pointless waste of time, much like the show itself. You see, Buckley’s already won; he has his fans, the kind of sycophantic maniacs who will overlook this series’ asinine writing, [censored]-awful animation, Buckley himself’s “posting-pics-of-his-cock-to-an-underage-girl-which-may-have-been-accidental-but-probably-wasn’t” incident, and praise him to the heavens – rabidly defending his every work.
At this point I feel the need to state that Buckley has improved a little since this show – yeah, OK, there was that whole miscarriage thing in the comics (look it up if you don’t know), but I don’t feel he had any bad intentions when doing that – he just [censored]ed up the execution due to being unable to write.
He’s taken on board art criticisms and the comic has genuinely gotten better-looking. Writing, unfortunately, still sucks, but there’s still time.
See? Ever the optimist, even towards those who [censored] kids*.
*Tim Buckley does not [censored] kids.
Epilogue
I was just informed by my dear friend that this article is almost double the length of his dissertation.
This has provided a renewed sense of perspective.
I might kill myself tonight.
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