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Post by Turbocharge on Feb 4, 2006 16:22:13 GMT
"Vyvyan, eat the telly!" - Mike From the Young Ones.
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Post by unikron on Feb 4, 2006 16:58:43 GMT
"Swearing makes your knob get bigger"
Rik- The Young Ones Book
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 4, 2006 20:51:22 GMT
I can feel your anger. - Palpatine
God, I loved hearing him say that again in ROTS. It brought back fond memories of ROTJ. Nostalgia... *happy sigh*
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Post by Blizz on Feb 4, 2006 21:50:32 GMT
Kryten: "Occupation?" Lister: "....................Er, bum." Kryten: "Would you describe the accused as a friend?" Lister: "...No, I'd describe the accused as a git."
Palpatine: "You two careful, he is a big." Obi-Wan: "Mr speaker, we are for the big."
Stacey: "...Don't you wanna open your present?" Wayne: "If it's a severed head I'm gonna be very upset." Stacey: "Open it!" Wayne: "Okay.... What is it?" Stacey: "It's a gun rack!" Wayne: "A gun rack? ....A gun rack. Sh'yah. Right. I don't even own A GUN. Let alone many guns that would neccesitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do, with a gun rack?!" Stacey: "You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful you're gonna lose me." Wayne: "I lost you two months ago! Are you mental? We broke up! Get the net!"
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Post by Mambo's Here! Look Busy! on Feb 4, 2006 21:54:07 GMT
The Simpsons, Trash of the Titans: "Son, dont worry....noones going to beat you... youre gonna get such a beating!!"
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 4, 2006 22:10:43 GMT
The Simpsons, Trash of the Titans: "Son, dont worry....noones going to beat you... youre gonna get such a beating!!" From the same episode. Quimby: Simpson, you idiot! You've blown your entire year's budget in a month! Your department's broke! Homer: Oh no! Hey, wait a second, I may have just come up with the perfect solution! Quimby: You'd better, cuz those garbage men aren't gonna work for free! Homer: D'OH!
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 5, 2006 11:13:41 GMT
"Swearing makes your knob get bigger" Rik- The Young Ones Book From the same book: How To Make Lentil Sick by Vyvyan. - Eat lentils - Stick fingers down throat And: "Stick that up your Kronstadt, Thatcher!" And I loved the bit about making beds with Neil, except I can't repeat it here cos the swear filter will censor half of it. From Black Books: Bernard: "How about a mouse? Now we're getting somewhere. I'm writing down 'mouse'...now, who is this mouse? Where is he from? Where is he going? Where does he live?" Manny: "Er...he lives in..." Bernard: "This had better be good, Manny. This had better be perfect." Manny: "He lives...in...a...bottle bank!" Bernard: "Aha! Brilliant! Fabulous!" Manny: "And...he plays the trombone!" Bernard: "Keep going, keep going." Manny: "And he only eats...licorice." Bernard: "Manny, this is solid gold. Solid gold." Manny: "His best friend is a panda!" Bernard: "No no NO! Awful! Bilge! Child poison! You - stay away from this story. I'll deal with the plot. You can...do pictures as I hand you the pages. Something bright and idiotic. And I will co-write this - with myself."
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 5, 2006 11:44:04 GMT
Know this about me: like General George S. Patton, I believe in reincarnation. It is my firm conviction that in all my previous lives, I've been a soldier; a bold warrior soul, who tragically in this incarnation, has been given the body of an abject coward. - Arnold Rimmer
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Post by unikron on Feb 5, 2006 14:58:02 GMT
Blind Dougs Post Apocalyptic Public bar And Grill quotes
Kirt: This is even more annoying than that band...errr....god......they err...they did that song called Antarctica. Tom: WHAT?! HERESY! Mark: You [censored]ing cockend, Men Without Hats are the greatest band in the entire history of the world! You're only mad at awesome [censored]ty 80's synthpop because you were named after Curt Smith! Kirt: SILENCE!
Mark: Only these things in life are certain. Possibilities are endless, as is the universe. Everyone will find true love. True happiness can only come from good karma. Machines will some day rise up against their human masters. The arms and legs will one day become sick of obeying the brain, and will detach themselves from us (A reference to some of the paintings by H R Giger). Disco will eventually be popular again, and even worse than last time. And the final, perhaps most terrifying point of all- The power of Akira exists inside everyone. Kirt: As from this moment forth, you are forbidden from talking.
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Post by Blizz on Feb 5, 2006 18:08:47 GMT
Peter: "What's Lois doing in there with another man?" Quagmire: "Is it possible she's a hooker? ...You know, to help pay for her mom's dialysis (sp?)? ...As in my fantasy? ...Let's start over, hi, I'm Quagmire!"
Elroy: "Negro, what the hell you doin' to my woman?" Craig: *stammers* Elroy: "Suga?" Suga (with her face buried in Craig's crotch): "Huh?" Elroy: "What the hell you doin' to my nephew?!" Suga: "....Oh I thought that was you baby..."
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 5, 2006 18:59:20 GMT
More Black Books goodness: Manny: "No one rings me these days, Bernard." Bernard: "Yes, it's a mystery, what with you owning your own sandals and having an egg in your beard."
Bernard: "It's my house, though, and I'm not having it infected with the kind of specimens capable of producing you."
Fran: "You nasty man, you've been screening his calls." Bernard: "Yeah, well, he doesn't need friends. They're bad for him. They make him giddy."
Moo-Pa: "Shop's still called Black Books, I see." Bernard: "Yeah, I was going to call it 'World Of Tights', but you know how stupid people are, you have to spell everything out."
Bernard: "Would you like to explain before I turn you into a Moo-CORPSE?!!"
Fran: "Unless they go in the next hour, I am going to tell your mother that I'm a psycho biker junkie [censored]." Manny: "It's just for the weekend!" Bernard: "No. Not another hour. Not another minute. I'm about to stop playing 'Who shall I kill first?' in my head and just go for what feels natural. I think I'll start with me. Then it's you."
Manny: "I'm just a bloke that works in a book shop and spends his evening eating cereal."
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Post by unikron on Feb 5, 2006 19:28:43 GMT
Shenmue fans take heed
Chai: THE GREAT CHAI SHALL DEFEAT YOU! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA! (silence) Kirt: Where is he then? Chai: IT'S MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! (silence) Chris: ...Why do we always have to fight the [censored]ing mentallers? Ace Flash doesn't have to put up with this stuff! (shows Ace Flash fighting serious badguys) Mark: Would you rather fight Lan Di? Chai: LAN DI SAMA! AHAHGHEHAGHRGHWGEHEGAHRBLORGH! Kirt: You shut up, you bald midget cocksmoker. (everyone looks up as a daydream sequence starts) Lan Di: (beats the utter crap out of the BD lads) (sequence ends) Mark: Ow. Tom: although, someone as old fashioned as Lan Di might be easy to catch off guard with more modern fighting techniques (daydream) Lan Di: (does martial arts posing) Kirt: .....(kills Lan Di with a shotgun) (daydream ends) Curly: What if he's bulletproof? Chris: Lan Di isn't bulletproof. Mark: How do YOU know? Ever seen him get shot?! Chris: ...No. Mark: THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S BULLETPROOF.
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Smithy
Artist Hume
(A Small Borneo Mammal)
Queen of Pig Torture
Posts: 3,387
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Post by Smithy on Feb 6, 2006 9:32:00 GMT
Every line in thisis perfect...
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 6, 2006 15:12:11 GMT
Welcome to the Mighty Boosh!
Ape of Death: Howard Moon! You shall be cast into the Pit of Eternal Fire, for heinous crimes! Howard: What crimes? Bollo led a clean life! Ape: Yeah, but you bummed that fox! Howard: That's just a rumour... Ape: No smoke without fire, which incidentally you'll be seeing quite a bit of from here on in. *baboon guards laugh* Howard: Everyone's a comedian down here, aren't they? Ape: Shut your pie-hole! Now prepare to die! Howard: But aren't I already dead? Ape: Well... it hurts more the second time! *Vince runs in* Vince: Oi! Ape: Who are you? Vince: Listen, this is my mate! There's been a mix-up, you can't burn him! Ape: Oh? Who's going to stop me? Vince: I am! *Vince is chained up with Howard* Howard: Well I appreciate the gesture, but it's a bit of a wasted journey, that. Did you bring anything? Like a gun, or... a fork?
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 6, 2006 21:33:11 GMT
Customer: "Are they real leather?" Bernard: "They're real Dickens." Customer: "I have to know if they're real leather, because they have to go with the sofa. Everything else in my house is real."
Bernard (through megaphone): "Right, the shop is closed. Everybody get out. Time to go home. Come on." Old woman: "It's only quarter to three!" Bernard (poking customers with broom): "Yes, but it's my shop. Come on, go home. Bye bye." Old woman: "That's hardly fair!" Bernard: "It's not fair at all. Get out." Customer: "I expect better service..." Bernard: "Well, expect away. Get out. Bye bye. Come on now, you timewasting [censored]s, back on the street..."
Doctor: "The Little Book Of Calm is lodged between the small intestine and the pancreas...There's a good chance you'll survive, a 30% chance in fact. As the book itself says (looks at x-ray)...whenever you're in a tight spot, try to imagine yourself marooned on a beautiful desert island."
Fran: "Bernard, finished with your accounts?" Bernard: "Yes, I've turned them into a rather smart casual jacket."
Bernard: "We've got a special offer on this one, it's free if you break my leg."
Bernard (to skinheads): "Which one of you [censored]es wants to dance? Hey, you know when you're doing the usual sort of threesome thing you normally do at the weekend, and the moonlight's bouncing off your heads and your arses, does that not get a bit confusing? Right, look, this is you, OK? (dances) Tra la la la la la la la la la...Do you know this chant? 'Millwall, Millwall, you're all really dreadful and all your girlfriends are alienated'..." (skinheads hit him)
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Post by Dave on Feb 6, 2006 21:58:58 GMT
The Simpsons, Trash of the Titans: "Son, dont worry....noones going to beat you... youre gonna get such a beating!!" I love the song from that episode! " The sanitation folks, are really friendly folks, curtious and easy-going. They mop up when you're over-flowing, and tell ya when your arse is showing!" Great stuff.
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Post by Blizz on Feb 7, 2006 10:06:54 GMT
"Son, a woman is a lot like....um... A refridgerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds...they make ice.... No, actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! ...But you can't stop with one. You wanna drink another woman!" - Homer Simpson
Waiter: "I'm sorry ma'am, but everything on the menu has fish in it." Marge: "What about the bread, does that have much fish in it?" Waiter: "Yes." Marge: "Well, I have some Tic-tacs in my purse...." Waiter: "Excellent choice. And the gentleman?" Homer: "All you can eat! All you can eat!" Waiter: "Alright, when you're ready take this plate over to..." Chef: "Please! Don't take the steam tray! Sir!"
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Post by Samface on Feb 7, 2006 14:29:12 GMT
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. I've probably quoted that already. Funniest Simpsons moment ever. EVER.
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Post by Lost Mercenary on Feb 7, 2006 19:08:55 GMT
"This shell of sanity I live in grows thinner every day..."
Garra, Naruto
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Post by Turbocharge on Feb 7, 2006 21:54:02 GMT
"We're not retreating. We're advancing... To future victory." ~ Sarge - Red Vs Blue
Lucas: "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you said you were working today." Ethan: "Ahh, No. I said I'm scheduled to work today. And therein lies the difference." Ctrl-Alt-Del
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Post by Chigs! on Feb 8, 2006 1:43:28 GMT
The Emporer's New Groove is full of fab lines : * Yzma, the villain, is plotting ways to kill Kuzco, the Emporor* Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives... *laughs* ...I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! *knocks over bottle of poison on flower, which shrivels up and dies* Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this! *Henchman Kronk's Shoulder Angel and Devil debate saving Kuzco* Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Listen up, big guy. I got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one. Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing. Kronk's Shoulder Angel: We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it. Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Oh, right. That's a harp, and that's a dress. Kr onk's Shoulder Angel: Robe! Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Reason number two. Look what I can do. Ha-ha, ha! *does one-armed handstand* Kronk: But what does that have to do with me? Kronk's Shoulder Angel: No, no. He's got a point. *the palace guards get transformed into animals* Yzma: Get them! Cow Guard: Hey, uh - I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home? Yzma: You're excused. Anybody else? Other Guards: No, no. We're good. *while Kuzco and Pacha are trying out all of Yzma's potions* Kuzco: Yay. I'm a llama again! Kuzco: *beat* Wait... Kuzco: I can't believe this is happening! Yzma: Then I bet you weren't expecting *this*. * Yzma pulls up her dress. Kuzco and Pacha scream* Yzma: *revealing a knife attatched to her leg* Ha! * Kuzco and Pacha sigh with relief* Kuzco: Oh, okay. Yzma: Kuzco is dead, right? Tell me Kuzco's dead. I need to hear these words. Kronk: But do you need to hear all those words exactly? Yzma: *angry* He's still alive? Kronk: Well, he's not as dead as we would have hoped. Yzma: Kronk! Kronk: Just thought I'd give you a heads-up in case Kuzco ever comes back. Yzma: He can't come back! Kronk: Yeah, that would be kinda awkward, especially after that lovely eulogy. Yzma: *talking to one of the emporor's subjects* It is no concern of mine whether or not your family has... what was it again? Peasant: Umm... food? Yzma: Ha! You should have thought of that before you became peasants! Pacha: What happened? Old Man: Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove. Pacha: What? Old Man: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off. And the Emperor had me thrown out the window. Pacha: Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today. Old Man: Don't throw off his groove! Pacha: Oh, okay. Old Man: Bewaaare, the grooove. Pacha: Hey, are you gonna be all right? Old Man: Grooooooove... * Pacha and Kuzco are in a diner - as they don't allow llamas, kuzco is disguised as Pacha's wife* Pacha: We're on our honeymoon. Waitress: Bless you for coming out in public. Yzma: That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel! Yzma: So, is everything ready for tonight? Kronk: Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad, and then see how we feel after that. Yzma: Not the dinner. The "you know." Kronk: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison? Yzma: Yes! That poison. Kronk: Got you covered. Yzma: Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert. Kronk: Which is a real shame, because it's gonna be delicious.
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Post by Blizz on Feb 8, 2006 10:44:16 GMT
Lister: "These scales are wrong. These scales HAVE to be wrong!" Rimmer: "It's average for your height." Lister: "Rimmer, it would be average for my height, if I happened to be a pregnant hippo!"
Brian: "Hey Peter, shouldn't you be getting ready for your first news segment?" Peter: "Yeah but I'm too nervous. I don't know what I'm gonna talk about." Meg: "You could talk about me!" Peter: "Okay honey, I'll talk about you. 'Hi! I'm Meg! I go to school! I wear glasses!'"
"I'm sorry, I was under the impression that the name of this show was 'Kids Say The Darndest Things,' not 'Old Black Comedians Never Shut The Hell Up.' - Stewie Griffin
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Post by Mambo's Here! Look Busy! on Feb 10, 2006 13:01:47 GMT
One of my faves from Frasier: Daphne: Wheres my Bovril? Niles: Oh the meat paste? Sorry I had to throw it away, it smelled rancid. Daphne: Its supposed to smell like that, its English!!
XD
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 10, 2006 18:43:42 GMT
Lois: Peter, I asked you to fix the faucet an hour ago. Peter: I fixed it already. Lois: No you didn't, it's still dripping. Peter: No way! I will give you all my Star Wars cards if it is! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am of something, I never risk the Fett man.
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Post by Oz on Feb 10, 2006 20:50:28 GMT
Oh R2-D2 it is you, it is you! - CP30 (Star Wars Episode IV - A New Hope)
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