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Post by Pete on Feb 10, 2006 22:03:56 GMT
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. (They all drink.) Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.) Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. (Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence. Quagmire: Oh God. (Quagmire takes a drink.) Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! (Quagmire drinks again.) Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
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Quagmire: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Maylor's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.
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Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be? Quagmire: Taylor Hanson. Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy. Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire." Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire. Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible. [Pause] Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God.
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Post by Blizz on Feb 11, 2006 21:53:36 GMT
Starscream: "Who dares interrupt my coronation?!" Galvatron: "Coronation, Starscream? This is bad comedy." Starscream: "Megatron? Is that you?" Galvatron: "Here's a hint!" *shoots Starscream*
Peter: "What the hell's this?" Brian: "Looks like an Intermission. A chance to stretch the old legs." Peter: "Aw man, you mean I peed in this cup for nothing?!" Chris: "Dad, I just kicked over your Coke!" Stewie: "I look atrocious! Did you see my ass? Oh my God!" Meg: "This stinks! I can't believe they cut my whole sex scene! It was so tastefully done!" Lois: "Peter, could you go to the concession stand and get me something to suck on?" Quagmire: "Giggity giggity?!" Cleveland: "Hey Quagmire, you think we got time to go outside and burn one?" Quagmire: "You mean it's not over? How long is this thing?" Creepy old man: "Chris, do you have a shower scene? Or do I have to keep dreaming? Mmmmm...." Brian: "....Alright, we're back!"
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 12, 2006 9:38:05 GMT
From my favourite episode of The Simpsons: Marge: "Doesn't John seem a little festive to you?" Homer: "Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam." Marge: "He prefers the company of men." Homer: "Who doesn't?" Marge: "Homer, listen carefully. John is a ho...mo..." Homer: "Right..." Marge: "...sexual!" Homer: "AAAAARGH!!"
Homer: "He didn't give you gay, did he? DID HE?!"
Marge: "Homer, why are you chewing your pillow?" Homer: "The boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, Marge. There's only two kinds of people who wear Hawaiian shirts, gay men and big fat party animals, and Bart doesn't look like a big fat party animal!"
Steel mill foreman: "We work hard, we play hard."
Homer: "Lisa's a vegetarian." Moe: "Aw, geez, Homer, you sure you and Marge ain't cousins or something?"
Barney: "Is it alright to come out now, Mr Gay Man, sir?"
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Post by homsar on Feb 12, 2006 11:42:16 GMT
"This is the worst kind of prejudice, the kind against me" - Bender
From The Simpsons : Homer: "Bart, I want to offer you a piece of advice my father gave to me on my first day of school"
(A thought bubble appears with young Abe and Homer in it)
Abe: "Homer, your dumb as a Mule and twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride in his car, you take it"
"AREA RESTRICTED. ALL NOOB INTRUDERS 2 B HAX0RED BY US L33T HAMMER BROZ.!" - The 1337 speaking Hammer Bros from Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time
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Post by Baron Canier on Feb 12, 2006 12:42:55 GMT
AREA RESTRICTED. ALL NOOB INTRUDERS 2 B HAX0RED BY US L33T HAMMER BROZ.!" - The 1337 speaking Hammer Bros from Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time You're kidding...right?
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 12, 2006 13:19:54 GMT
From Roger van der Weide's Sonic And Other Madness:
VECTOR: "Y'know, Espio, if I hadn't become a private eye, I would have been a rapper." ESPIO: "A rapper? You? Don't make me laugh." VECTOR: "It's true, watch this." (hip-hop scratching) "Get ready to groove, cos here is Vector. I am as cool as a...tractor. R to the E, B to the C, what that all means...beats me."
CREAM: "This is going to be great. Right, Amy-chan?" CHRIS: "Yes, Cream-chan, it will be quite an adventure." CREAM: "Chris! What are you doing here?" CHRIS: "Oh, I always replace minor characters, so I'm replacing Amy now." AMY (whacking him with her hammer): "OH NO YOU WON'T!" BIG: "Froggy!" (eats him)
OMOCHAO: "Hey loverbirds, remember me? Yes, it is I, Omochao! Eggman and Mecha Sonic were losers. I will destroy you."
SHADOW: "Well, that was a fun pointless fight. Tomorrow, same time again?"
EGGMAN: "Omega, you don't need to be the strongest, when you're the best cloth knitter in the world." OMEGA (knitting): "Wow. This kicks ass. This rules." EGGMAN: "Well, everyone's problems are solved. I gotta go." (leaves) SHADOW: "Eggman's f***ed-up."
CHRIS: "But Amy, I only steal your love scenes with Sonic, not your life-threatening scenes..." (AMY pushes him over the edge and he runs screaming through a field of mines) AMY: "Chris, what the hell are you doing? That explosion could have given us eye cancer! You suck as a stunt double! You're fired!"
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 12, 2006 17:19:25 GMT
Dr. Simotez, stop smiling! I hate smiling... - Dr. Kelso, Scrubs
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Post by Blizz on Feb 12, 2006 19:12:52 GMT
Ted: "Where do you want to go Father Jack?" Jack: "Holiday!" Ted: "We're already on holiday Father, do you want to go somewhere?" Jack: "Who are you?!" Ted: "Do you want to go somewhere?" Jack: "What?!" Ted: "Do you want to go out and do something?" Jack: "Where am I? What's in there? Are those my feet?!"
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 12, 2006 19:30:42 GMT
"DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING!"
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Post by unikron on Feb 12, 2006 19:43:25 GMT
"Careful now!"
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Post by Blizz on Feb 12, 2006 21:31:06 GMT
Mrs Doyle: "And what would you say to a cup?" Jack: "FECK OFF CUP!"
Bob: "Who the big ape?" Chris: "'Tis Donkey's father." Bob: "But he an ape!" Chris: "Shh, he doesn't like to talk about it!"
Bob: "Chris, tell Weebl, he keep hitting me!" Driver: "We're here Mr. The Ninja Pirate." Weebl: "Good. Nothing smells worse than a wet mushroom in a close space." Bob: "Apart from poo." Weebl: "Or you Bob. 'Cos you smell like poo Bob. Bob? Do you hear me Bob? Bob?" Bob: "SHUT UP!"
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 12, 2006 23:18:52 GMT
Goldmember, there are two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch! - Nigel Powers
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Post by Pete on Feb 12, 2006 23:28:59 GMT
Father Jack: (Sober) DON'T TELL ME I'M STILL ON THAT FECKIN' ISLAND!
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Bishop Brennan: You will address me by my proper title, you little [censored]!
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Dougal: Sorry Ted. I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.
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Jack: THAT WOULD BE AN ECUMENICAL MATTER!
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Eoin McLove: Go away! I don't want to catch menopause!
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Dougal: God, I've heard about those cults Ted. People dressing up in black and saying Our Lord's going to come back and save us all. Ted: No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism. Dougal: Oh right.
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Dougal: (trying to pray) Hail Mary who art in heaven....... Ted: Hallowed. Dougal: Oh yeah. Hallowed Be.... Ted: Thy Name... Dougal: Papa Don't Preach........ Ted: Dougal, you know you can praise the lord with sleep. Dougal: Really Ted? You can praise him in lots of ways, like that time you said that I could praise him just by leaving the room. Ted: Yes, that was a good one !
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Post by Blizz on Feb 13, 2006 14:14:33 GMT
Ted: "God Dougal, you should have seen him. He's just a shadow of a sheep." Dougal: "I'm not surprised Ted. If I were a sheep I'd be watching my back now as well." Ted: "Why?" Dougal: "Because of the beast. They say it's as big as four cats and that it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears. And its feet are the size of cups and and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps. Mrs Doyle was telling me that it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made of metal it can attach itself to you, and it's got a retractable leg so's it can jump at you better, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses!"
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Post by Beeth on Feb 13, 2006 14:44:24 GMT
A classic from Red Dwarf episode "Backwards": Rimmer: You start off dead, you have a funeral, then you come to life! As each year passes you get younger and younger until you become a newborn baby. Then you go back inside your mother, who goes back inside her mother, and so on, until eventually we all become one glorious whole! Lister: Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 13, 2006 16:47:40 GMT
A similar quote from Lister: "Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Acehole."
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 13, 2006 17:26:42 GMT
Death: We're gonna cut you up so small the worms won't even have to chew!
Rimmer: You can't frighten me! I'm a coward! I'm always scared!
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Post by unikron on Feb 13, 2006 18:39:39 GMT
OMOCHAO: "Hey loverbirds, remember me? Yes, it is I, Omochao! Eggman and Mecha Sonic were losers. I will destroy you." EGGMAN: "Omega, you don't need to be the strongest, when you're the best cloth knitter in the world." OMEGA (knitting): "Wow. This kicks ass. This rules." EGGMAN: "Well, everyone's problems are solved. I gotta go." (leaves) SHADOW: "Eggman's f***ed-up." Hahah, link please
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Post by Blizz on Feb 13, 2006 21:26:36 GMT
"His name is not 'Mr Arnold!' It's 'Rimmer!' Or 'Dinosaur-Breath,' or 'Molecule-Mind,' or 'Smeg-For-Brains!' And if you want to be polite to him, and this is on a very rare occasion, if you want to be extra special ultra mega polite to him, call him '[censored].'" - Lister, on Kryten's referring to Rimmer
*playing Scrabble* Lister: "That letter....that letter...that letter..." Cat: "Heyyyyyyy! I gotcha now buddy! 'J-Z-X-Q-K-Y!'" Lister: "That's not a word." Cat: "Sure it is, it's a cat word!" Lister: "...Jizzixkih?" Cat: "That's not how you prononuce it!" Lister: "How's it prononced then?" Cat: "It's the sound you make when you get your sexual organs trapped in something!" *imitates it* Lister: "Is it in the dictionary?" Cat: "Might be.... If you were reading in the nude and you closed the book too hard." *imitates again*
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Feb 13, 2006 23:23:10 GMT
Cat: "I'm so excited, all six of my nipples are tingling!" Rimmer: "So is it a registry office or a full church do for you two?" Kryten: "It's a small off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden!" Here you go.
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Post by Shadic? on Feb 14, 2006 5:51:35 GMT
I don't make it a habbit of fighting old men!
Even good guys blow it! HAR HAR HAR HAR
I DUN HANDCUFF LIGHTNING!
I get all my quotes from Virtua Fighter, don't you?
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Post by Feniiku on Feb 14, 2006 8:53:56 GMT
"I've seen Staffordshire Terriers running around Hyde Park with far more grace!" - Judge on Dancing on Ice
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Post by Dave on Feb 14, 2006 10:38:13 GMT
"Whenever my father wanted to show me affection, he's just purposely miss when he threw bottles at my head." - Dr Cox, Scrubs.
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Post by Beeth on Feb 14, 2006 15:21:15 GMT
Rimmer: Is there any chance you could go a bit faster, so were not being overtaken by stationery objects? Kryten: Sir, you're a smeeee! Rimmer: A smee. Kryten: A smeee heeee! Rimmer: A smee hee. Kryten: A complete and total one! -- Kryten: Boiled chicken ovulations! Delicious!
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Post by Baron Canier on Feb 15, 2006 13:26:23 GMT
Here's some more Father Ted material:
Ted: *tries to get two bottles of alcohol into a bag, without waking up Jack. They clink together slightly as he does so* Jack: *wakes up* Drink! Ted: Er-no, Father. It's just water! Jack: JACOB'S CREEK CHARDINAY 1991! Ted:Wait...you can tell just from the sound? Jack: Drink! DRINK! DRINK!
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