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Post by unikron on Jan 24, 2006 17:54:39 GMT
Mark: Good news or bad? Tom: Bad. Mark: You have AIDS. Tom: WHAT?! Mark: It's ok though, the cancer has eaten it.
Doctor: Good news or bad? Kirt: We've already done this joke. Mark: SILENCE! Tom: Bad Doctor: We cut off the wrong leg. Tom: WHAT?! Doctor: It's ok. The bad one's getting better!
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Post by Pete on Jan 24, 2006 18:02:37 GMT
Meg: (About Peter being retarded) I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes. Everything was going swimmingly for you up until this point. Yes, yes THIS will be the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it´s THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
*God bless Family Guy*
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 24, 2006 19:10:46 GMT
There is a secret song at the centre of the world, and its sound... is like razors through flesh. - Pinhead, Hellraiser III
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Smithy
Artist Hume
(A Small Borneo Mammal)
Queen of Pig Torture
Posts: 3,387
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Post by Smithy on Jan 24, 2006 19:47:56 GMT
From the good people down at SGR"I need sat nav for the soul" - Esther "I do not think she is going to like that very much Ames! A lady likes to hear that she is like a water fall or a cheetah. A spider is not her dream!" "Mr Mayor, Its a Robot! Theyre our metal friends from Japan! read it in a book!!!" - Shelley "Shelley, you are classy. The future wife of a dentist or architect mam. Amy is like the prow of a rude viking ship." - Hugo
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Post by Mambo's Here! Look Busy! on Jan 24, 2006 19:50:18 GMT
Crow on PumaMan, MST3K: "POOOOOO-MA MAAAAAAN, HE FLIES LIKE A MORON!"
I dunno, I just saw it and it made me laugh...
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Post by Samface on Jan 24, 2006 20:20:53 GMT
What's this from? I want to see it. ;D From the good people down at SGRBless you Smithy! I think some more of that would go down a treat. Amy: I thought new cars were meant to have the New Car Smell. Shelley: Vomit is a smell! "I feel priviledged to witness the thinnest tissue of lies ever created." - The Boy Band member: Dark lord and master, what are you doing in Eric's beard? Mantis god: That is where he hides his Pepperamis from you. I just ate one. It was deliciously meaty. [in regards to the Portuguese Man O' War]: "He's heard about our two-car garages and our loft conversions, and he seethes. Oh how he seethes." - Shelley
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Post by unikron on Jan 24, 2006 20:32:16 GMT
Blind Dougs Post Apocalyptic Public Bar And Grill. Kirt: What the [censored] is that? (Mark is sitting inside a humongous shopping trolley, hideously beweaponed with many spikes, and covered with layers of cardboard and over household stuff) Mark: This is the mobile A-Team super deathfortress. Kirt: ...It's [censored]ing ridiculous and taking up room. Put it in the conservatory. Mark: Can't, we.........We have a [censored]ing conservatory? Kirt: Yes. Where the hell do you think you keep waking up on sunday morning? Mark: next door? Anyway, we cant. Me, chris, and the general are gonna go around smacking chavs in it. Mark: I'm going to kick you so [censored]ing hard you're going to wake up from the matrix! Tom: The what? Chris: EXACTLY. (Regarding a skinhead protest) Mark: This is even more retarded than people who think that Kirk was better than Picard." Chris: Agreed. Something must be done about this. I've never seen idiocy on such a huge [censored]ing scale. When will people learn that mankind will always have differences, and we should all acknowledge eachother's tastes, opinions, and......Did you just make a [censored]ing Star trek reference? Mark: Yes. Chris: [censored]! Chris: ...Kareoke? Mark: Out of the question. Chris: Why? Mark: No microphone Tom: We lost the kareoke video Mark: The stereo's knackered Kirt: And if you start singing I'm going to [censored]ing kill you. Chris: ....Monopoly? Mark: ....I'm being the boot Chris: I wanna be the boot! Mark: I'LL [censored]ING BOOT YOU IF YOU CARRY ON. I am the boot, you are the hat, Kirt is the battleship, curly is the cannon, and tom's being the dog. Who starts? Kirt: No one. You lost the board. Mark: ....So no monopoly? Kirt: No. Chris: .....Who can play the piano? Kirt: No one, and the lids down, and we've lost the key. Tom: I can play piano. Kirt: But not well. Tom: I got an award for it at college Kirt: ....get cancer. Chris: Let's play beat your neighbours out of doors! (silence) Chris: I said lets- Kirt: We heard what you said Chris: ...Oh...Do you fancy playing? Kirt: Look, we are grown men, we are not bored enough to spend our time playing trivial games, there are more important things in life! We WILL solve this boredom through better means. (Silence) Mark: ...How do you play it? chris: I dont know. Mark: Well why did you suggest it?! Chris: I thought you might have known how to play! mark: Well I dont! Curly: I do. Mark: go back to sleep. (silence) Chris: what about Postman's Knock? Kirt: ...None of us is a woman, and I'm never kissing mark again. (silence) Chris: ...Let's play murders. Kirt: If you open your mouth one more time we wont be playing murders, mate, we'll be investigating one! Chris: Scrabble? Mark: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KEEP PLAYING THINGS FOR?! "What the [censored] have you been doing in there?!" "Sleeping!" "....You killed an entire household for a place to sleep?" "We did it all the time in the sixties!" "You weren't [censored]ing born in the sixties!" "......Oh yeah....You got people in white coats, and police, outside haven't you?" "Yeah." "[censored]!"
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Post by Samface on Jan 24, 2006 20:42:07 GMT
Never heard of it, but I'll be sure to check it out.
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Post by unikron on Jan 24, 2006 20:55:37 GMT
Kirt: ...I cant believe we got beaten up and arrested by Batman Mark: (in disbelief) I CANT BELIEVE BATMAN'S GAY!
Chris: What happened? Kirt: Mark conducted the defense. Chris: ...Oh hell. (Flashback) Mark: Your honour. Last night, as I was sucking on your wifes tit, I felt something slide into my throat. I said ".....You're a bit old for producing milk, int ya?" and she replied "That's not milk, stud, it's cancer." Judge: DEATH! Mark: I [censored]ED YOUR DAD!
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Post by The Tikal who had no Toes on Jan 24, 2006 20:56:30 GMT
"Is that a toblerone or a poopy?" - Stewie Griffin, after removing Meg's glasses
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 24, 2006 21:06:53 GMT
Mr. Burns: I've discovered the perfect business! People walk in, empty their wallets and then scuttle off! Nothing can stop me now... except microscopic germs! But we won't let that happen, will we Smithers?
Smithers: Uh.... no, sir.
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Post by unikron on Jan 24, 2006 21:11:33 GMT
Mark: Let me tell you a story, Curly. Once upon a time there was a mystical far away land that lived under constant attack from a giant. This huge f*cker went around sitting on houses, jumping on crops, kicking cows for miles, and eating children. The people were damned sick of it. So they did call for Jack The Giant Killer. Jack did come, from lands most far, and brought a challenge to the giant. "HAHA! Little man, I could crush you with my bare hands!" the giant said. "What can you possibly fight me with?" Jack challenged the giant to a test of endurance. On the last saturday of that month, they would have an eating competition. The day finally came, and both Jack and the giant has trained themselves. However, Jack was clever. He knew he could outsmart that stupid c*nt giant. Jack had starved himself for 2 days up before the day of the battle. This was his first idea. His second was to fill a small bag with food that he had chewed and spat out, and hide it beneath his shirt. To make things fair, in relation to both fighters size, for every loaf of bread Jack ate, the giant must eat 50. So, two hours into the battle, Jack's starving belly had not yielded. The giant was having difficulty. He was feeling bloated. He looked down at Jack, who had no trouble with his 400th slice of jam and cheese covered toast slice, with a mixture of amazement and jealousy. "Little man" he asked "How do you fit so much inside you? I'm ready to burst!" He exclaimed. Jack smiled, and held up a knife, and then brought it to his stomach. "Whenever I am full, I simply slice my belly open, and empty the food out" He cut open the shirt, and the bag hidden beneath it, and the pre-chewed food fell out. "Try it yourself!" Jack said. And so the giant, grinning, got out his knife made of several thousand smaller knives, and cut open his belly. Stomach acid, blood, bile, and partially dissolved food began to dribble out of the hole. "Oh f*ck" Said the giant. "I think I've killed myself." And he had.....There's a lesson to be learned with this story curly. If you EVER touch my skin-mags again, I'm going to break off your [censored]ing arms.
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 24, 2006 21:26:36 GMT
From Futurama.
"I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs! BEHOLD!"
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Post by Blizz on Jan 24, 2006 22:27:50 GMT
The Doctor: "Do you think for once you could arrive before the nick of time?" Brigadier: "I'm glad to see you too Doctor."
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 25, 2006 20:56:03 GMT
I... hate... this place. This zoo. This reality. It's the smell... if there is such a thing. - Agent Smith, The Matrix
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Post by Feniiku on Jan 26, 2006 9:37:18 GMT
A bunch of random quotes I've heard.
"I've got a good cure for a hangover- Don't Drink the night before" -Some doctor related program mum was watching.
"follow the Rimmer shaped blur!" -Arnold Rimmer- Red Dwarf
"Prostesting with the vorlons is about as much use as fairy wings on a cement truck" -Michael Garibaldi- Babylon 5
"When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean, 'Oh, I think it's a little chilly in here, perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed.' No, I said it was COLD, as in, 'Oh, my left arm has snapped off like an icicle and [censored]tered on the floor'! This is highly inappropriate, Captain!" "You're right. There are several other parts of your body I'd much rather see snapped off." -Londo Mollari to John Sheridan- Babylon 5
"Confirmed Survey 1. Upon arrival you will report for debriefing. And just one more thing, on your trip back I want you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra. Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again..." *shouts* "...Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out! Babylon control out." *to herself* "Civillians" *looks up* "Just kidding about that God part. No offense." -Susan Ivanova- Babylon 5
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Post by robbienekoda on Jan 26, 2006 10:15:30 GMT
Just about everything Rik Mayall, Ade Edmondson, the cast of Red Dwarf, Gaz Wilkinson from Two Pints, Alan Partridge and Michael, Bill Bailey, Vic and Bob, and Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China say are an encyclopaedia of quotage.
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Post by unikron on Jan 26, 2006 11:55:30 GMT
Just about everything Rik Mayall, Ade Edmondson, the cast of Red Dwarf, Gaz Wilkinson from Two Pints, Alan Partridge and Michael, Bill Bailey, Vic and Bob, and Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China say are an encyclopaedia of quotage. Agreed on every single point especially Jack Burton and Bill Bailey.
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Post by Blizz on Jan 26, 2006 12:08:34 GMT
Piro: "Nice mullet. Do all your heroes look like McGuyver?" Largo: "There are no more heroes..."
Largo: "MUH BLOOHD! AH CAHN'T FHEEL MUH BLOOHD! Haf I become one o' da liv'n dhed?" Piro: "You're making progress if that's your goal." Largo: "Ah dun wanna 'come a zshombi Pirruh!"
Virus: "We just saw a really big explosion while riding in a flashy, high-performance aircraft. If you got your boobs out right now we could die happy."
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Post by Samface on Jan 26, 2006 14:14:05 GMT
Questionable Content!"I call dibs on any and all nude monkey dancing." - Marten "Also, that was the most emo thing I have ever said. Please just shoot me now before I metaphor again." - Faye Marten: There. Is. No. God. Pintsize: If there is, He or She must think vomit and testicle injuries are hilarious. "My professor thinks that the octopuses just don't know how to play Connect Four, but my theory is that they're actually playing a game of their own, and we researchers are their pawns." - Ellen "Whoa, Picasso had blue periods? I thought he was a guy!" - Raven "I am the underwear ninja!" - Pintsize
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 27, 2006 7:34:04 GMT
Napalm is nature's toothpaste. - Chef Brian, Ctrl+Alt+Del
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Post by Dave on Jan 27, 2006 13:15:58 GMT
Lex (In Flashs body): "You're having a bad day, Luthor." *Looks in mirror, smirks* "At the very least I can find out the Flash's secret identity." *Face goes to annoyed* "I have no idea who this person is."
I love JLU.
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 27, 2006 14:17:10 GMT
Austin Powers - International Man Of Mystery
Vanessa: A lot has changed since 1967, Mr. Powers.
Austin: No doubt baby, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection, while at the same time experimenting with many mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
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Spudiator
Artist Hume
High Priest of the Religion of Football
STC-O's resident footy obsessive
Posts: 2,815
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Post by Spudiator on Jan 28, 2006 0:21:57 GMT
[Donna walks in] Floella: And where have you been young lady? Donna: Well I think I've been to the pub, but if that was a rhetorical question, where have we all been? Where are we going?
Donna Henson - greatest Two Pints quote ever! ;D
Cameron (student bloke): I must admit, I don't usually mix with the rustic. Janet: Well maybe the rustic don't want to better themselves. Donna: No we usually just sit around chewing hay. Cameron: Really? Donna: Yeah, I've never even seen a banana! Cameron: Oh you poor thing!....Wait a minute, you're being ironic aren't you Donna: I dunno really, is that the same thing as being a big old bitch?
Donna always gets the best lines!
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Post by Devo DrakeFox on Jan 28, 2006 8:30:35 GMT
The Mighty Boosh
Eskimo Chief: That is an interesting story, but now we must eat. You must dine with us and try the local delicacy.
*One eskimo vomits on his plate*
Howard: Uh... yeah. I'm... not really that hungry.
Eskimo Chief: We will be very offended if you do not eat with us.
Howard: Well... suppose I could try a little bit. *eats some vomit* Mmmm!
Eskimo Chief: Ah, here comes the food now. Sandwiches, my favourite. Someone clean this sick away.
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