|
Post by Hevs on Feb 15, 2006 17:41:26 GMT
Mrs Doyle: Father Crilly, I've just heard on the news that they've Taken the Roads in Bishop brennan: They've taken the roads in? Ted: Yes, when the rain is bad, they store them in a Warehouse on the east side of the island - Father Ted
Edie: Of course, you do realise that you're gonna have to disclose the fact that your wife killed herself in the house? Paul: I am? Edie: Oh yeah, Legal Cr*p, and people get really Freaked out by Suicides, hell, you can't blame 'em. I get the willies just standing here Paul: Is there any way to get around it? Edie: Off the record? Paul: Yeah Edie: You could say that she shot herself in the Living room and then crawled out back to die
Love that quote ^_^
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 15, 2006 19:28:18 GMT
Mort Goldman: "I'm trying to overcome my fear of swords, because a man in a pirate suit stabbed me in the ear when I was five, and then again when I was thirty."
Joust coach: "Lemme hear your war cry!" Mort: "Ehhhhhh." Coach: "Is that the best you got, you pile o' crap?!" Mort: "Yes. From an early age my parents discouraged loud noises."
|
|
|
Post by Chigs! on Feb 16, 2006 0:43:54 GMT
*Gabrielle Solis has just announced to a prison couples' marrige councilling group that she cheated on her husband Carlos. The whole group gasps*
"Oh, Bob, you beat you're wife, you're not allowed to gasp!"
I was weighing up between that and this deisel sweeties quote for my new sign in name:
"You look like Dick Cheney shot your Valentine..."
|
|
|
Post by Hevs on Feb 16, 2006 9:45:03 GMT
Loves that qute too
Gabrielle: "Oh, Bob, you beat your wife. You are so not allowed to gasp." Lisa: "Don’t you talk that way to him." Gabrielle: "One more word out of you, Lisa, and I will back hand you myself."
|
|
|
Post by Beeth on Feb 16, 2006 10:47:15 GMT
From Shakey's Richard III:
"Now is the winter of our discontent..."
"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!"
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 16, 2006 13:29:33 GMT
The Ugly One: "Whoa. Cheerleader's gone." Remaining girls: "....WE'RE FREE!" Mr. Pitters: "We're ointment!"
Cheerleader: "It's our tenth issue-versary! Let's do a clip show!" So And So: "Let's have a wedding!" The Ugly One: "Let's have a baby!" Whats-Her-Face: "Let's kill someone off!" Strong Bad: "...OK!"
"Dawn of War! It works! The Athlon wife, I love her! I CAN HEAR PEEEEEEOPLE! I require pizza! Pizza yes yes! For the glorious chair of conquest cannot be left unattended!" - Retro Sicotte
|
|
|
Post by Hevs on Feb 16, 2006 21:39:06 GMT
Desperate Housewives, Susan and Edie go out and spy on Mike to see if the person he is with is his Girlfriend
Mike meets susan at the bar
Susan: "Mike! What a small, small world." Mike: "Yeah, it sure is. I caught Edie hiding in the back." Susan: "No kidding, is she here?"
*In the background Edie is extremely conspicuous, and riding the mechanical bull. she shouts and plays to the crowd, susan looks silly and mike looks amused*
Mike: "Yeah. Yeah, she said, uh, the jig is up, and then she went to ride the bull. Oh, and she said you two came together." Susan: "Oh, well, yeah, we, we did, uh, I just thought she left."
The simpsons
Ralph: Miss Hoover? My parents won't let me use Scissors
*The other Kids laugh*
<iss Hoover: The children are right to laugh at you ralph, these things couldn't cut butter
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 16, 2006 22:24:17 GMT
Leonardo: "We have to find some way to stop the river!" Raphael: "Swell. We'll just round up 50 million beavers and ask them to please build us a dam!"
The Doctor: "So? How do I look? Be honest. Handsome? Ugly? Sexy?" Rose: "....Different." The Doctor: "Good different or bad different?" Rose: "Just...different." The Doctor: "Am I ginger?" Rose: "No, just...sort of brown." The Doctor: "Aww, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger before!"
|
|
|
Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 17, 2006 19:59:27 GMT
Scrubs.
JD: Well Dad, I see you've taken advantage of the farting policy.
Dad: Hey Johnny, pull my finger.
JD: Dad, I'm not gonna pull your finger.
Dad: Pull my finger, see what happens!
*JD pulls Dad's finger*
Dad:.... I pooed a little.
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 17, 2006 20:16:03 GMT
Lister: "Holly, why Rimmer as a hologram? Why did you have to bring Rimmer's hologram back? He was the most unpopular man on this ship. I mean, he even had to organise his own surprise birthday parties!" Holly: "Who should I have brought back then?" Lister: "Anyone! Chen...Petersen... I mean Hermann Goring would have been more of a laugh then Rimmer! I mean, OK, he was a drug-crazed transvestite but at least we could've gone dancing!"
Rimmer: "Lister, you can't whack Death on the head!" Lister: "Well, if he comes anywhere near me I'm gonna rip his nipples off."
Timon: "Hey, what's going on here? Who's the monkey?" Nala: "Simba's gone back to challenge Scar." Timon: "Who?" Nala: "Scar." Pumbaa: "Who's got a scar?" Nala: "No no no. It's his uncle." Timon: "The monkey's his uncle?" Nala: "No. Simba's gone back to challenge his uncle to take his place as king." Timon, Pumbaa: "Ohhh..."
Banzai: "Hey! Who's the pig?" Pumbaa: "Are you talkin' to me?" Timon: "Uh-oh, they called him a pig." Pumbaa: "Are you talking to me?!" Timon: "You shouldn't have done that." Pumbaa: "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!" Timon: "Now they're in for it!" Pumbaa: "THEY CALL ME MR. PIG!"
|
|
Smithy
Artist Hume
(A Small Borneo Mammal)
Queen of Pig Torture
Posts: 3,387
|
Post by Smithy on Feb 21, 2006 17:31:07 GMT
"My take is simply this: is it right that he go to prison for this? No. Is it FUNNY that he go to prison for this? YES.
Therefore it is permissible." - Warren Ellis on David Irving
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 21, 2006 23:13:57 GMT
"Oh great. A bored little army." - Spike Spiegel
Spike: "S'cuse me Jet. You said three, not four." Thug: "Drop your guns!" Jet: "Disinformation is sometimes required for both enemies and allies." Spike: "Don't pull that art-of-war crap on me!" Thug: "Drop 'em!" Spike: "And you, you take too long to take a [censored]!" Thug: "I am going to kill this old lady if you don't put down your guns!"
|
|
|
Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 22, 2006 12:17:14 GMT
Trisha: Mayor West, do you have any words?
Adam West: Box. Toaster. Aluminum. Maple syrup. No, I take that one back! I'm holding on to that one!
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Feb 22, 2006 22:12:47 GMT
Bishop Brennan: "Ah, the Kraken awakes. Did we disturb you Father Hackett?" Jack: "ARSE BISCUITS!"
"Space madness is a constant threat to us all. Frankly, the only thing that helps me maintain my grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes." - Holly
"Great, a wannabe preacher with a gun." - Jet Black
Sam: "What we need is a few good taters..." Gollum: "What's...taters, precious? What's taters eh?" Sam: "Po-tay-toes! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew! Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish..." Gollum: *snarls* Sam: "....Even you couldn't say no to that!" Gollum: "Yes we could! Spoiling nice fish! Give it to us raw, and wriggling! You keep nasty chips." Sam: "You're hopeless..."
"Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Black hole approaching! Oh, great, the siren's gone now. Awooga! Awooga! Abandon ship!" - Holly
|
|
|
Post by Devo DrakeFox on Feb 23, 2006 16:05:29 GMT
The Blisterin' Adventures of Cap'n Crimson.
"Treasure indeed. Pornography... AND BISCUITS!"
|
|
|
Post by unikron on Feb 23, 2006 16:43:03 GMT
Tom: What are you doing? Mark: Spying on people having cybersex on World Of Warcraft. Tom: ...That's depraved Mark: What, me or them? Tom: Both. (silence) Tom: Can I watch? Mark: get a chair. Kirt's out getting some beer, and curlys making popcorn
Tom: ZOMBIES! Kirt: .....Yeah. Tom: EVERYWHERE! Kirt: ....Yeah. Tom: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! (silence) Chris: time does the cricket come on?
(after beating up a bunch of other looters) Mark: Henceforth I shall be known as Baseballbatman!
Kirt: Weapons? Chris: Baseball bat Mark: Baseball bat Curly: Baseball bat Tom: Guitar Kirt: And a club. Righ- Mark: Why does he get a guitar?! Tom: ....It's my guitar. Mark: ..........KILL HIM!
Voice: FOOLS! YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD SEEN THE LAST OF ME!! I HAVE RETURNED TO DELIVER JUSTICE! El B*stardo Grandé: Santa Maria! Es il Baseballbatman!
|
|
|
Post by homsar on Feb 23, 2006 22:27:27 GMT
"The alien mothership is located here. If we hit that Bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." - Zapp Branigen, Futurama
|
|
|
Post by Devo DrakeFox on Mar 1, 2006 17:05:43 GMT
"Disgusting little creatures. Soon, all of you will feel my hate, and suffer as I have suffered..." - Nago, Princess Mononoke
|
|
|
Post by t3hchaosx3 on Mar 1, 2006 20:17:58 GMT
"Oh great. A bored little army." - Spike Spiegel Spike: "S'cuse me Jet. You said three, not four." Thug: "Drop your guns!" Jet: "Disinformation is sometimes required for both enemies and allies." Spike: "Don't pull that art-of-war poo on me!" Thug: "Drop 'em!" Spike: "And you, you take too long to take a [censored]!" Thug: "I am going to kill this old lady if you don't put down your guns!" You quoted Bebop TWICE without quoting Ed. "Circles and eyeballs,' Circles are pretty... A tasty, wonderful... JUST LIKE WET GRAPY!"
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Mar 1, 2006 21:21:29 GMT
Lady Tottington: "The golden carrot belongs in the show!" Victor: "No, the golden carrot belongs in the Were-Rabbit!"
Ed: "Ding! Zap it in the microwave! Funny funny shape'll make it do funny things!"
|
|
Smithy
Artist Hume
(A Small Borneo Mammal)
Queen of Pig Torture
Posts: 3,387
|
Post by Smithy on Mar 1, 2006 22:59:09 GMT
"There are still four hundred people a month looking for used panties. I really don’t have any."
More Ellis, this time pondering web searches that brought people to his site.
|
|
|
Post by Dave on Mar 1, 2006 23:08:15 GMT
Scrubs. JD: Well Dad, I see you've taken advantage of the farting policy. Dad: Hey Johnny, pull my finger. JD: Dad, I'm not gonna pull your finger. Dad: Pull my finger, see what happens! *JD pulls Dad's finger* Dad:.... I pooed a little. Haha. Gotta love John Ritter. He was a big loss to the comedy world.
|
|
|
Post by Blizz on Mar 2, 2006 13:23:56 GMT
Lakit: "Last time you tried to cook, you electrocuted yourself with the kettle, inhaled gas from the oven and smacked your own head with a frying pan!" Retro: "Accidents happen.." Lakit: "You were making a piece of TOAST! THEN you started hallucinating. You thought you were a cabbage! You sat in the garden for 3 days!" Retro: "Your point being?"
Venom: "Soon he'll be big enough to look after himself." Carnage: "Why are you so keen on that brat living? Like, who are you kiddin' Venom? You're an ugly cold-blooded lethal killer. You're up to your beady eyes in gore." Venom: "This is different. When Toxin grows up he'll be an ally..." Carnage: "When WHO grows up?" Venom: "Toxin. It's the name I've given to my grand-child. Pretty huh?" Carnage: "I got a better name. DEAD."
|
|
|
Post by LJRG on Mar 2, 2006 13:56:41 GMT
I know fear is an obstacle for some people, but it is an illusion to me . . . Failure always made me try harder next time Michael Jordan
|
|
|
Post by Beeth on Mar 2, 2006 14:03:52 GMT
You know Eastenders is going down the toilet when their garage orders: "Three sproggits, a box of left-handed spark plugs, and half a dozen magnetic woowoo pins, number seven."
|
|